26th March 2023

Why Is My Girlfriend Mean To Me? – 12 Possible Reasons

Why Is My Girlfriend Mean To Me? – 12 Possible Reasons

Simply because your girlfriend is being mean to you doesn’t mean you can’t be in a healthy relationship. There might be numerous reasons for passive-aggressive behaviors and toxic communication styles from your girlfriend. This article will cover some of the possible reasons for the angry outburst of your toxic girlfriend. This article covers 12 possible reasons for your girlfriends’ mean behavior towards you.

You are not compatible.

senior couple posing in a hotel interior

Various things, such as divergent personalities, interests, values, communication methods, and lifestyles, can cause relationship issues. In addition, compatibility problems can result from misaligned expectations, different goals, a lack of trust or intimacy, and other factors. Rather than argue, couples should discuss and address any potential compatibility concerns.

You Aren’t Communicating Properly

Communication can be difficult in relationships, and it takes practice to get to a point where you can use positive communication styles. For example, you want to cooperate using affirmative language and active listening rather than interrupting, blaming, or confronting your partner. The following is exemplified in a fictional story between partners:

Bad Communication:

Partner 1: Could you please take out the trash before you leave for work?

Partner 2: (sighs) I’m already late; how come you can’t do it?

Partner 1: I did it yesterday; now it’s your turn.

Partner 2: I don’t have time for this; I’ll do it later.

Partner 1: (Angry) You have to do it right now.

Partner 2: (yelling) Why are you always attempting to exert control over everything? I’ll do it when I have time!

Partner 1: (retorting) Because you never accept responsibility around here!

Good Communication

Partner 1: Could you please take out the trash before you leave for work?

Partner 2: I’m running late today; is it okay to do it tonight when I get home?

Partner 1: Sure thing, no problem. Is there anything else I can do for you before you leave?

Partner 2: I could use some assistance finishing a project before my meeting.

Partner 1: Of course, I’m delighted to assist. Let us collaborate on this.

Partner 2: Thank you for your patience; I appreciate it.

The partners in the first example use poor communication techniques such as interrupting, blaming, and speaking aggressively. As a result, communication breaks down, and the conflict escalates.

The partners in the second example use effective communication techniques such as active listening, expressing gratitude, and speaking cooperatively. This results in the issue being resolved and a stronger sense of mutual understanding and support.

Related: ‘She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes at the Sink: The Importance of Communication

She Is Unhappy In The Relationship

Related:Emotional Intimacy – The Definition, Benefits, and Examples

Truthfully but painfully, she might be unhappy in the relationship, and some people find it difficult to talk about issues in a relationship. Here are ten possible reasons for her being disappointed in your relationship:

  1. Lack of emotional intimacy and connection
  2. Lack of communication or misunderstandings
  3. Differences in values, beliefs, and goals
  4. They feel unappreciated or unsupported
  5. They feel neglected or unimportant
  6. Infidelity or a lack of trust
  7. They’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed by outside factors
  8. A lack of physical intimacy or sexual dissatisfaction
  9. Their needs are not being met
  10. You’re not putting enough effort into the relationship

A lack of communication and infidelity can be extremely harmful to your relationship. To read more about these topics, give our recent posts a read:

Tips for Communicating in Relationships: Build a Stronger Bond’

Building Trust in a Relationship: 6 Steps to Fix Your Relationship’

You’re keeping score between the two of you.

fencers in a competitive match

Keeping a “relationship scorecard” allows you to keep track of your partner’s transgressions and hold them responsible for their future behavior. Ultimately, you’re in a relationship, not a fencing match. Unfortunately, the following are some reasons why keeping a scorecard can be risky:

  • Instead of fostering cooperation and understanding, it results in anger and blame.
  • It encourages a culture of continual negativity and criticism rather than promoting growth and positivity.
  • It erodes the mutual respect and trust required for a successful relationship.
  • It makes people spend too much time reflecting on past wrongdoings instead of working together for a better future.

The “relationship scorecard” generally has a harmful and destructive perspective on partnerships. Instead, couples should place a high value on forgiving one another, having honest and open dialogues, and expanding as a unit.

Related:How to be Affectionate in Relationships: 11 Tips and Tricks

Additionally, a relationship is often referred to as 100/100 rather than 50/50 because a 50/50 relationship implies a transactional, zero-sum attitude toward the partnership, in which each person keeps a score of their efforts and attempts to ensure a balance of effort. Additionally, this theory supports codependent tendencies in relationships.

A 100/100 relationship, on the other hand, is one in which both partners are fully invested and committed to the relationship and are willing to go above and beyond to make it work. In addition, both partners in a 100/100 relationship are ready to make sacrifices and compromises to ensure success.

She’s Got Mental Health Issues

Her bad behavior may stem from mental health issues like borderline personality disorder, deep depression, or bipolar disorder. For example, bipolar disorder is a mental health condition characterized by mood swings, in which someone can suddenly seem normal and become angry.

If you’re dealing with a girlfriend with mental health issues, everyday life can become much more difficult. In most cases, it’s best to consult a mental health professional.

How do you recognize a girlfriend with mental health issues?

Some mental health issues can be quite difficult to recognize. But, according to experts, here are some ways to identify your partner’s mental health problems.

1. Changes in mood or behavior: Dr. John Grohol, founder of Psych Central, suggests paying attention to changes in a person’s mood, behavior, and energy levels. If your girlfriend suddenly withdraws from friends and activities she once enjoyed or her mood swings frequently and without explanation, this may indicate an issue with her mental health.

2. Difficulty with daily tasks: Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, clinical psychologist, and author, notes that someone struggling with their mental health may find it hard to complete day-to-day chores, such as bathing or eating, or have trouble keeping their home and personal appearance neat.

3. Sleep disturbances: Changes in sleep patterns, such as difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, can signify depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions.

4. Substance abuse: Substance abuse is a common coping mechanism for individuals struggling with mental health.

It is essential to approach the situation with care and to encourage your girlfriend to seek help from a mental health professional.

She’s Met Someone Else

a couple having an argument

When your girlfriend becomes angry, it might be that ‘external factors’ influence her and that she might be seeing someone else. When there is someone else you have feelings for, it can be one of the most difficult love situations. Therefore, she may give you the cold shoulder instead of breaking up with you.

She’s A People Pleaser

Perhaps, she doesn’t like to open up about what she thinks about your bad behavior. You might have done something wrong, but she will never tell you. This ultimately results in difficult times as communication is one of the crucial factors in relationships. You might have been dating for a long time, but she’s never been able to open up to you about the things that bother her. As a result, her emotional issues have accumulated over time, and her feelings are like a complete shock to you.

While these are not necessarily toxic people, they are a more distant person who prefers to go out of the way from confrontation. Unfortunately, communication usually suffers in these cases.

Read Here: ‘Tips for Communicating in Relationships: Build a Stronger Bond

Premenstrual Syndrome

Let’s be honest; your rude girlfriend might have hormonal fluctuations, so her behavior might be justified. According to Dr. Julie Holland, a psychiatrist, and author, women may experience mood swings, irritability, and increased sadness or anxiety during hormonal fluctuations, particularly during the menstrual cycle or perimenopause. Additionally, this could also significantly impact your sex life.

So, your beautiful girlfriend, who is also your toxic girlfriend, might just be experiencing adult life, and she still loves you very much. So, a viable option is to get her a good box of chocolates!

She Has a Different Love Language

If you have different love languages, it is easier for your partner to understand your affection. It’s like a language barrier, where you want to understand each other, but you simply can’t.

Related: ‘5 A’s of Love: How to be in Adult Relationships

Here are five different types of love languages:

  1. Words of Affirmation: People who care about words of affirmation feel loved when their partner says kind and encouraging things to show love and appreciation.
  2. When their partner takes care of practical tasks and does something for them to show love, people who value acts of service feel loved.
  3. People who like getting gifts feel loved when a partner gives them a gift as a sign of their love.
  4. People who value quality time feel loved when their partner gives them their full attention and spends time with them doing things they both enjoy.
  5. People who like to be touched feel loved when their partner holds their hand, hugs them, or cuddles with them.


Your toxic girlfriend is acting up, but perhaps she has a workload equal to Donald Trump during his presidency. She has time to make plans with friends, and when she’s done with work, she doesn’t have time for you.

Numerous research has discovered a connection between stress and negative relationship outcomes like arguments, lower relationship satisfaction, and decreased intimacy. For instance, stress has been associated with more aggressive conduct in relationships, such as verbal and physical anger toward a partner, according to a study published in the journal “Stress and Health.”

Additionally, according to psychologist and relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, stress can result in “emotional hijacking,” when someone acts differently from how they usually do. They could become angry or abusive against their partner as a result.

She’s just hungry

If you go long enough without some food, you’ll start to turn into a zombie. There is a good chance you’ve experienced this. Additionally, this phenomenon is researched and turns out to be true.

A study published in the journal “Emotion” in 2013 found that hunger can lead to anger, frustration, and irritability. The study also found that hunger can lead to changes in our decision-making and impulse control, potentially contributing to conflict and misunderstandings in relationships and other social interactions.

We’re not making you take her to a restaurant, but a meal would do her some good!

It is her personality.

You have genuine people, angry people, and toxic people. Unfortunately, there is also a chance that your girlfriend is one of those. While it’s possible that your girlfriend is naturally mean or that she has developed some bad habits over time, it’s also important to consider that it’s likely that other factors are influencing her behavior, such as stress, anxiety, past traumas, or relationship issues. Talk to her openly and honestly if you’re concerned about how your girlfriend’s actions affect your relationship. Try not to start the conversation with a fight; instead, express your concerns calmly and carelessly. If things do not improve, it may be beneficial to seek the advice of a therapist or relationship expert.

In a nutshell:

Having a toxic girlfriend can be challenging and perplexing. Your girlfriend is most likely a cruel person acting strangely out of fear or anger. It’s possible that she’s unpleasant and doesn’t care about the activities you have scheduled with other people, or she’s rude and doesn’t want to hang out with you. She could also be depressed, which could influence how she behaves. When depressed, people frequently behave in ways that they wouldn’t be in a mentally healthy state. In adult life, the best method to handle the issue might be to openly and honestly discuss it with your partner and, if necessary, do so with a therapist. When two adults become close, they should appreciate, care for, and support one another. It could be time to review the relationship and prioritize your personal needs if your girlfriend’s actions are making you miserable or harming your sex life.

About Author

Johan Froentjes

A veteran writer for relationship content who uses academic research to write articles and provide expert insights.

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