Get Out of the Roommate Stage: Reviving Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships

Relationship experts often discuss the “roommate stage” as a common stage in long-term relationships where couples begin to take each other for granted and lose the romantic spark that they once had. A lack of intimacy and connection characterizes the roommate phase, and according to experts, it’s one of the stages of marriage that comes before a sexless marriage. 

Suppose you’re trying to stay out of these stages of marriage, and you want to rebuild an intimate relationship with your partner. In that case, some of our following tips will help you get back on the road toward a thriving relationship. The truth is, you need to make a conscious effort towards your partner if you want a healthy marriage, and the adventure of marriage is never uncomplicated.

What’s the Roommate Stage of Marriage?

This phase of marriage refers to when a couple lives together like friends rather than lovers. It’s when sex gets boring in a relationship, or when every other component of life takes center stage in the relationship as opposed to the couple and the love they share.

When you’re in the roommate stage of marriage, the kids, if any, come first, or work and careers might take over, and we become so engulfed in our day-to-day routines that we forget to put our spouse at the top of our priority list. You see, this stage of marriage doesn’t happen all of a sudden. It creeps up on you gradually.

Eventually, you find you prefer to carry work home and try to catch up on deadlines rather than spend time with your partner. Sometimes, the husband catches up on the news as the wife cleans up and then heads to bed alone. Other times, the wife is too tired for anything else, and the husband chooses peace and finds something else to take up his time before he goes to bed.

Whatever it is, this is when sex gets boring in a relationship, and only one partner notices that things aren’t as they used to be. However, even when they bring it up with their significant other, there will be tons of excuses about work, maybe the kids, financial strain, and a plethora of other changes that need more attention.

The roommate stage of marriage is an isolating, painful, and lonely experience because one or both partners notice it but don’t know how to get out of it. Unfortunately, the longer one stays in this situation, the harder it becomes to re-establish the romance that was once the foundation of the relationship.

When are you in the Roommate Stage of Marriage?

Once the novelty of a young marriage clears, most people will start to fall into a routine where everything becomes familiar and, quite honestly, too comfortable. The thing is, we evolve every day. And as a result, we expect our partners to evolve with us and make room for the people we’re becoming. Unfortunately, that’s not what always happens.

You see, it’s totally normal that there are times when we feel connected to our partner and times when we feel like we don’t know them at all. What’s not normal or acceptable is acknowledging and embracing situations where we aren’t connecting with our partners and choose to live as we would with typical friends.

What Should You Do If You’re in the Roommate Stage of Marriage?

Just because you’re stuck in a rut doesn’t mean that you can’t get out of it. Fortunately, if you’re wondering what you can do, you’re in the right place. When couples are in the roommate stage of marriage, chances are that they’re thinking about the D-word. This isn’t something that people think about or consider when they’re getting into a life-long commitment.

Here are some indicators of a marriage that cannot be saved.

However, we also must accept that even though we change and grow, we don’t always get to do it with those we once loved. Feeling isolated from your partner can result in arguments, spending time away from each other, and ultimately, the vicious cycle continues. One of the ways you and your partner can get out of this rut is to try couple’s therapy.

A therapist can help you, and your significant other identify the areas of your marriage that require attention and improvement. If none of you are ready to commit to therapy, why not try to find the spark again? Reconnecting with a partner while going through the roommate stage of marriage is possible.

If you want to save your marriage, this article might help you. Read here: ‘How to Save a Marriage – 10 Actionable Steps‘

How to Get Out of the Roommate Stage

• Spend more time together: Try to spend more time together when you come home and commit to being together minus distractions like the TV and social media. If you’ve got kids, put them to bed early. If you have no idea what to do when you’re together, try new things like the Couples Adventure Challenge, which has more than 50 date ideas for you and your partner.
• Commit to having more sex: When sex gets boring in a relationship, you can revamp sexy time by scheduling it. This ensures that it will happen and that you both have time to think about how you want it to be and prepare yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally for the experience.
• Spend time apart: So, here’s the thing, when you’re spending all of your free time together, there’s nothing new to share with your partner. Pretty soon, the marriage becomes too dull and full of routines. Why not start having new experiences and then schedule time with your partner to talk about them? Thanks to your commitment to growth, you and your partner will look more attractive to each other. Soon, you will both look forward to spending quality time together and getting to know each other more. If you have difficulties communicating with your partner, we’ve established some tips for improving your communication.

The truth is, most times, couples get into the roommate stage of marriage because they get stuck in a routine. One of the best ways of getting over this is to have a source of unlimited date ideas so that there’s always something new to share. The Couples Adventure Challenge is one of the best sources of date ideas and couples activities. The book has various date and activity ideas to ensure you and your partner spend more time together and have fun! To read more about the adventure challenge, have a look at our official review of the product.