24th September 2023

My Wife Wants a Divorce – Advice for Husbands

My Wife Wants a Divorce – Advice for Husbands

Are you married, and has this happened to you? Did she suddenly tell you she wants a divorce, or has she threatened you with this many times?

When you realize a severe problem in your marriage, you’ll likely want to do everything you can to make your marriage last. However, there are better times to argue after your wife’s statement; doing so will aggravate the situation and will not help you any further. Instead, it’s time to take a deep breath, remain calm, and decide how to proceed.

We created an article on how to deal with a ‘crazy wife‘, where we elaborate on how you can help her trhough difficult times.

Problems can arise in any married life for a variety of reasons. Thousands of couples are having problems with their relationships. You can work on it yourself or ask your wife if she wants to try visiting a marriage counselor or a family therapist to see if there’s still a glimmer of hope that can save an unhappy marriage. Sometimes, it can be better for couples to work on their issues individually with a therapist and then go to marriage counseling to work on a healthy marriage.

Ask For The Reason

concept image with a question on a sticky note against green hedge

Ask your wife to explain the grounds for divorce, and if you both agree to work on this with a therapist, the therapist will try to figure out which of your beliefs are in a long-term and healthy marriage. It’s challenging to get through this difficult time and consider whether or not to divorce.

Sometimes therapists advise married couples to separate for at least eight months, during which time they must live separate lives without contacting each other. When a team has children, getting with them is only permitted when necessary. This is the time to make a firm decision and determine whether you are happier together or if life makes you more comfortable apart.

After all, some couples decide to stay married, or they both agree on a LAT (living apart together) relationship after living apart felt good at times but not all of the time, and the consequences of divorce work out dramatically for both of them.

What To Do in Case of Infidelity

When your wife is in a relationship with someone else, learn to manage your anger as first aid for yourself. You’d be naive if you thought this would never happen to you or your wife. Long-term relationships and the people in them evolve. If you don’t want to lose her, give her space to talk about it and see if you can win her back. You could try to win her back, just like in nature.

One of the most common reasons for falling in love with someone else is physical attraction or boredom with their husband. So try to be the man she fell in love with long ago.

During this process and the initial steps to take after your wife’s announcement, you will be confronted with the fact that many things in your life will change. However, there are numerous reasons why it is preferable to remain together. It may be wishful thinking, but writing down your thoughts and overthinking can be beneficial.

How to Survive the Emotional Rollercoaster of Divorce

red and white roller coaster on railings

You must maintain your mental fortitude during this emotional roller coaster. It can be beneficial to consult with a divorce lawyer to learn more about the divorce process. Then, you can either decide to divorce or think about it and discuss the consequences with your wife.

In a divorce, no one can declare victory. Yet, a divorce has a significant impact on the lives of many people. If this ship cannot be saved, you can only keep what remains.

Only a fair legal process can help you move on after a divorce. A professional marriage counselor has experience with simple divorces and can also assist you in resolving complex issues during the divorce process.

My wife Wants a Divorce – What should I do?

If your wife wants a divorce, it can be a difficult and emotional time for both of you. Here are some pieces of advice and potential reasons why your wife may be seeking a divorce:

Take a step back

Before making any decisions, taking time for reflection and self-care may be helpful. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if necessary.

Relationship therapists frequently suggest that clients take a step back and consult a friend, a member of their family, or a therapist. Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, a psychologist and author asserts that “sometimes moving forward requires taking a step backward.” This can assist you in gaining new insight, controlling your emotions, and reaching wiser conclusions.

Communicate openly and honestly.

Try to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about why she wants a divorce and your needs and wants. It is essential to listen to each other’s perspectives and try to understand each other’s points of view.

Along with taking care of oneself, one must be honest and open with one’s relationship. Dr. Daryl Appleton, a therapist, claims that a communication breakdown typically creates the desire for a divorce. You can better grasp the situation by expressing your feelings and needs honestly and respectfully.

In terms of communication, it could be preferable to get expert assistance if you cannot talk about your issues. According to therapist Lisa Bahar, couples counseling can assist people in learning how to speak more effectively, listen more intently, and resolve their concerns. Then, you and your partner can work toward a resolution with the assistance of a therapist or mediator.

Consider professional help

If you are both having trouble communicating effectively, consider seeking the help of a mediator or therapist to guide the conversation and help find a resolution.

A qualified therapist or counselor can assist you in finding viable solutions by helping you in viewing your problem from a different angle. For example, it might be challenging to keep your composure and identify the real issues that need to be resolved while you’re in the middle of a heated dispute or under pressure. You and your partner will be able to spot patterns in your relationship, figure out which parts aren’t working well, and decide how to get through difficult times with the help of a therapist.

Reasons Why Your Wife Might Want a Divorce

Related:6 Signs a Marriage Cannot be Saved: Is it Time to Move On?

Hopefully, your wife didn’t give you the silent treatment. Instead, she should disclose her reasons for her wanting to get a divorce. In case she didn’t, here are five common reasons for a divorce:

Growing apart

As people grow older and learn more about themselves, their interests, objectives, and priorities may change, resulting in drifting apart from their relationship. They could feel alienated and unhappy in the relationship due to this. It can be challenging to preserve a healthy relationship when two people are no longer on the same page.


Infidelity has the potential to ruin a relationship in shocking ways. The trust and basis of a partnership can be damaged when one person cheats, leaving the other spouse feeling sad, betrayed, and alone. Infidelity can also leave people wary and untrusting, making it challenging for a relationship to mend and advance.

Lack of communication

Effective communication between people is essential for healthy relationships, and adverse outcomes can result from poor communication. For example, misunderstandings, arguments, and rage are frequent outcomes when two people do not communicate well. People could feel miserable and isolated, making it challenging to resolve issues and maintain a positive connection.

Read more about communication: Tips for Communicating in Relationships: Build a Stronger Bond

Financial problems

couple calculating all their bills

Debt or disagreements about spending patterns are examples of money issues that can affect a relationship. Money can cause stress and tension, particularly if one partner believes the other isn’t contributing enough or is making poor financial decisions. Unresolved economic issues can cause resentment, anger, and frustration, impairing a couple’s relationship.

Differences in values and lifestyles

Finding common ground and maintaining a healthy relationship can become challenging when two people have different values and lifestyles.

Remember, each situation is unique, and it is essential to approach a divorce with empathy, respect, and a commitment to finding a resolution that works for both of you. If you are facing a divorce, seek the advice of a family law attorney to guide you through the process and protect your rights.

About Author

Johan Froentjes

A veteran writer for relationship content who uses academic research to write articles and provide expert insights.

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