Entering your first committed relationship is an exciting step in your life journey. It’s one filled with excitement, learning, and the promise of deep emotional connection. However, it’s also a path that can be riddled with questions and uncertainties, especially if you’re new to the world of romantic relationships.
While entering a new committed relationship is often described as nerve-wracking, it can also be one of the most exciting times in a person’s life. To some degree, first-relationship anxiety is normal because you probably don’t know what to expect from the relationship experience.
Our goal is to equip you with the tools necessary to strengthen your emotional connection with your partner to have a successful and fulfilling relationship. This article lists essential first relationship advice for your first time in the clouds. Therefore, we’ve researched the entire web to give you the most actionable guide to starting your first real relationship.
11 Essential First Relationship Advice
1. Managing your expectations is essential to maintaining happiness in a relationship.
We hate to be the ones to break it to you, but real-life romance seldom lives up to the ideals depicted in fiction. Romantic relationships are nice, but your relationship with your current partner is probably not the Romeo or Juliet fairytale you expected it to be.
When couples break up, it’s often because one romantic partner had high expectations for the relationship and never discussed them with the other. Make sure your romantic connection isn’t one of those. Please don’t take this as me trying to cease your joy. You just can’t expect your relationship to look like the picture-perfect couples in movies or the flawless dance couples on TikTok. There’s more to those stories than meets the eye. Although I don’t wish to damper your enthusiasm, I want to safeguard against that error.
The two people in each given relationship share a history unlike any other. So let go of preconceived notions of how things should happen and how you should behave. Don’t worry about the future; focus on the now instead. Just do what seems right. And for the love of God, don’t try to categorize your spouse; instead, be receptive to expanding your understanding of them.
2. Maintaining good communication is crucial.
Any relationship expert will tell you that effective communication in your current relationship is crucial, whether it is about issues plaguing the relationship or aspirations you both have for its future.
Conversations that go deeply into a subject may strengthen bonds and dispel confusion in a relationship. Moreover, open communication is now a popular part of modern life.
If you want to progress in a relationship, you must allow the other person in on the real you. Schedule time every day to catch up and discuss the day’s events. Tell your spouse what’s been going on in your life, and demonstrate that you’re interested in what they have to say by asking open-ended questions and making it clear that you’re listening.
Don’t be shy in discussing your hobbies, upbringing, and other aspects of your life with your partner if you want to demonstrate your ease in their company.
3. Be alert for any red flags, and don’t brush them aside.
Nothing nice, if you caught them in a lie, they were nasty to the waiter or badmouthed a buddy. This is not a one-off, and they have no intention of altering their behavior. The gut is trying to warn you something is wrong, so pay heed to it. Disregarding the warning signs will only make the breakup more painful for everyone involved.
On InStyle, Director of Relationship Science at Hinge Logan Ury says that sometimes we get a warning sign of red flags either by someone’s words or actions, that they’re not ready for a relationship, or not ready for a relationship with you, But depending on the person and the behavior, it could take one date or several years for that alarm bell to sound.
Remember that you and your spouse are fallible humans with unique perspectives and experiences. You may talk about it and move on if it was an honest mistake. You should leave if you have a stronger sense that “this isn’t right” or that you have done something that cannot be undone than if you feel like you have made a mistake.
The most common mistake in long-term relationships is the inability to recognize red flags. It may take some time for the warning flags to become obvious in a new relationship. There are several blatant red flags in any relationship, and these include the following:
- They show overly controlling behavior.
- They have a lack of trust.
- They are narcissistic.
- They don’t listen to you.
- They don’t support your goals.
- They’re secretive.
- They lie frequently
Learn more about red flags in relationships:
4. In a relationship, it is essential always to have your partner’s back.
According to this study, people with supportive spouses are more likely to take on potentially rewarding challenges and those who accept the challenges experience more personal growth, happiness, psychological well-being and better relationship functioning months later.
It’s crucial to show concern even if they’re going through a tough period. As vital as celebrating the happy times you have with your spouse, being there for them is just as crucial when they are going through a difficult period. Be there if they need to vent their frustrations, work through a situation, or offer them a shoulder to weep on.
You shouldn’t feel obligated to fix all of their issues by staying. Consider how much support you would need from your spouse if you were going through a tough period, and provide that much support. Even when dealing with powerful women or men with strong opinions, you must try different communication styles to see what works and what doesn’t.
5. Have a chat about your long-term goals.
You should not just plan for the future and not dwell on the past. Don’t waste a year of your life dating someone you thought would eventually propose to find out they’re not interested in tying the knot. You don’t have to (and probably shouldn’t) ask someone out on a first date how many kids they want before the salad course.
You shouldn’t wait until the salad course is served before starting a conversation on a first date. Talking about plans for the future, religion, politics, and marriage can be hard. Still, doing so is important as soon as you start thinking about a future with this person. Share your plans with the person you’re interested in dating, whether they’re short-term or long-term.
Powerful women or men will clearly state how they would like their modern life or adult lives to look life. While some prefer to have children, others would like to refrain from having children and focus on their social lives.
6. You may improve your relationship by being truthful with one another.
In a healthy relationship, both partners should be able to talk to each other openly and honestly. However, first-timers in a relationship may feel pressured to provide their potential partners with a positive image of themselves.
Dishonesty may make you feel better in the short term. Still, it will only make you unhappy and hurt your relationship in the long run. This is especially important at the beginning of a relationship when you are still getting to know each other.
So, it’s best to start by being honest.
7. Say “I love you” when you are ready.
You should only show public devotion and commitment when you feel good about yourself.
Cosmopolitan Magazine acknowledges that falling in love isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience, but sometimes, when you know, you know. It adds that telling someone you love them is *super* personal, and no two couples are the same. Only you know when you’re ready, and as you’ll see, everyone is different when it comes to expressing their love.
Even though there is no “right” time to say “I love you,” you should always ask yourself if those words truly show how you feel. It’s better to tell your partner, “I love you,” “thank you,” and other similar things in person instead of over the phone. Even though it’s normal to be nervous about telling your partner how you feel, you might feel better.
Sometimes, it can be difficult to know whether you’re ready to commit to a relationship. If you’re still in doubt, read our article on ‘Serious Relationships‘ or ‘15 Signs He Wants a Serious Relationship with You‘, or ‘Signs a Casual Relationship is Getting Serious‘
8. Staying true to yourself.
No one should need you to change who you are to make them happy.
Even if you are dating someone, it is essential to keep moving forward with your life and goals. Permit yourself to spend time thinking about how you feel and what you want from your relationship. Take care of yourself, and don’t be afraid to talk to your partner about your worries so they can help you. Only think about your health.
9. Do what you like with the people you care about.
You should pay the same attention to both of you so that neither gets too attached.
Even if your partner is the most important thing in your life and you want to spend all of your time with them, keeping your friendships with your other close friends is important. Of course, you should do what you have to do for your friends, but you should also set aside “me time” to enjoy some time alone. The 50/30/20 rule of thumb is highly recommended. Aim to spend about half of your free time with your partner, 30% with friends, and 20% by yourself.
10. Your life is not all about the person you’re dating.
This is another important thing you can learn from your first romantic encounters. When you first start dating someone, it’s important to spend time with your friends and family, but there are other things to consider. Time with friends is important, and any relationship expert would say the same. Toxic relationships, especially with powerful women or men, encounter issues from time to time with social interactions outside of being together.
11. You don’t have to put everything on hold just because you’ve fallen in love.
In addition to your many other responsibilities, you may be a full-time student or employee. Of course, all of these parts are important. However, you shouldn’t ignore your other responsibilities just because you’re in a relationship.
Your first fight in a relationship.
Let’s not forget fights are normal, and rough patches are bound to happen as time passes, even in a strong relationship. My girlfriend and I didn’t have fights in our first year, but arguments are bound to happen. When it does happen, the best thing you can do is be prepared mentally.
3 things a first could tell you about your relationship
Is it normal to fight at the beginning of a relationship?
Initial disagreements are normal and to be expected. Teenagers and young adults frequently fight in the early stages of their relationships. If you do this, your partner may see the value in continuing the relationship. Many relationships may be saved or made better if partners could put aside their differences, listen to and try to understand one another’s perspectives and emotions. These distinctions may unite two teens, but they also may cause them to process information, make sense of the world, and interact with others in distinctive ways.
How do you handle your first fight in a relationship?
Our actionable steps listed above are a good start. However, don’t make the rookie mistake of only saying, “I’m sorry.” Honestly, it doesn’t mean much unless it comes with some action or solution. If you say something mean to them, you cannot just say, “I’m sorry.”
Don’t panic! You can handle your first fight in a relationship by listening to your partner and trying to understand how this situation makes them feel. Moreover, be sure not to walk away since it will only make the emotional gap between you and your partner bigger.
Here are some other things you could do to get the better of your first argument with your partner:
- Find the root of the issue.
- Respect the process.
- Make compromises.
- Make sentences with ‘I feel’ rather than ‘you are’.
- Use phrases like ‘you may be right’, or ‘I understand’.
Please don’t forget to stay calm. We’ll all go through our first fight at some point. Here are some of our authors’ quotes about the first fight in their relationship.
The psychology of your first love – Let’s get technical.
Did you know that your first relationship has life-long implications for your love life?
While it might seem obvious, research shows that the impact is more prominent than we initially thought. According to research by Helen Fisher (2005), dopamine is released to the brain when engaging in romantic love. In addition, the brain releases norepinephrine and oxytocin.
In a study conducted in over 37 communities, ‘love’ was ranked number one when choosing a partner. According to Helen Fisher, dopamine and norepinephrine neurotransmitters trigger euphoria, heightened energy, sexual desire, and intense focus.
We recommend reading the book ‘Getting the love you want’ by bestselling author Harville Hendrix. The book covers communication and setting clear expectations with your partner.
So how does your first relationship change your next relationship?
Well, it’s not as straightforward as you might think. A person’s first love may have a deep influence on them. According to LUMA CEO April Davis, they may feel their spouse is the only person they will ever genuinely love.
In addition, cognitive scientists at MIT think that we reach our full potential for processing information and remembering in our early to mid-twenties. Numerous firsts take place during this time, such as the beginning of romantic relationships. Concretely, this means that first-times will be much more electrifying and will leave long-lasting effects on you. In short, the honeymoon phase never really lasts.
That favorite rollercoaster you loved when you first experienced it, does not feel the same as it ever did. The fact is, we want to re-experience that ‘first time’. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to get over a first love. Neurochemicals provide a “high” response to their initial introduction. Our brains are wired to seek out and recreate that sensation.
While it’s true that a breakup may be a traumatic event, a 2017 study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that 71% of people can recover within three months.
In a nutshell
Love is a fantastic feeling. However, real life can hit quickly, and arguments from time to time can happen, leaving you with bitter feelings. We hope our guide is the ultimate advice for you to build a strong relationship and have the best and last relationship experience. The actual relationship experience is full of quality time and lifelong enjoyment together.
Bestselling author Harville Hendrix wrote a book on getting the love you want. To be a complete person, you’ll need to conquer romantic complexities. This book will give you a good idea of what you can do to ask for the love you expect and overcome those romantic complexities you encounter.
FAQ – For all your questions about relationships
Are first relationships difficult?
- Do you remember driving a bike or a car for the first time? Yes, first relationships can be tough. Simple practice and some reading can already make a big difference. Relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein claims that the first year is the hardest.
What age should you have your first relationship?
There is no such thing as a “correct” age to begin dating. Some people begin dating very young, while others wait until they are well into adolescence. However, keep in mind that if you are not prepared, you may have difficulties in your relationship that will endure for a long time if not addressed appropriately. Therefore, we advise you to take it easy.
A mature 15-year-old, for example, could go on a date, while a 16-year-old who isn’t ready should wait another year or two. So the age of 16 appears to be a suitable age for the majority of teens.
In a survey performed by the American Pediatric Academy, it was observed that girls often start dating at 12. At the same time, boys wait until they are a little bit older.
How likely are first relationships last?
The chances of you marrying your first love is around 25% or 1 in 4. Of all married people worldwide, 41 percent of U.S. marriages result in divorce. If you’re not from the U.S., divorce rates worldwide are 4.08 per 1,000 married persons.
Why do first relationships fail?
Relationships end because of problems with trust, communication, respect, different perspectives on life, and a lack of intimacy. In this guide, We’ll discuss more factors and what you can do to recognize or solve them.
What should you not do in your first relationship?
There are many things you should do in your first relationship. The following are things you definitely shouldn’t do in your relationship:
– Wanting things always to go your way
– Ignore possible red flags. Not learning from past relationships.
– Rushing into things
– Not communicating with your partner and establishing expectations
What do others say?
What were you not prepared for in your first relationship?
“The intensity of living together.”
“I was not prepared for it to end.”
“Dealing with my own baggage.”
What should you know before your first relationship?
“Take things slow.”
“Watch your expectations carefully”
“Learn to really listen”
What rookie mistakes do people make with fights during their first relationship?
“Not fighting can be a big rookie mistake.”
“An argument/disagreement isn’t about winning.”
What did you learn from your first relationship?
“Relationship is work, hard work, in fact.”
“Communication is the most important element in a relationship because if you can’t communicate what you are feeling and what you want out of that relationship, it can never be successful.”
“Healthy partnerships necessitate boundaries.”