Marriage unites two individuals for a lifetime of love and friendship and is a beautiful and transformative commitment. But, on the other hand, it can be complicated to keep a marriage pleasant for an extended period, especially if it’s supposed to be a lifetime. Even the most committed relationships run into problems. Like a road trip, you’ll have moments when your car breaks down, but always remember that things can be repaired or maintained.

Couples can use certain secrets to a happy and prosperous marriage to help them overcome the ups and downs and forge a solid, enduring bond.

This blog post will outline five secrets to a happy marriage based on study and personal experience. These tips will help you establish the foundation for a lifetime of love and happiness with your spouse, whether you have recently wed or been married for many years.

The Definition of Marriage (A Good One)

It’s complicated to define a good marriage in one sentence. Instead, there are so many vital parts you need to maintain during your long-term relationship to make your relationship stronger. You will go through difficult times and experience extraordinary times for a great deal of time. To take an active role in a relationship isn’t easy, and if you’re trying to improve towards a thoroughly contented relationship, these are the key points you should focus on.

Our advice for couples is to practice Love, Commitment, Trust, Time, Attention, and Good Communication, including Listening, Partnership, Tolerance, Patience, Openness, Honesty, Respect, Sharing, Consideration, Generosity, and Willingness/Ability to Compromise.

We know it’s a long list, but these often come naturally and only require some fine-tuning for most committed couples. However, if you’re a couple in counseling, you will likely have encountered relationship advice for some of these keywords.

Ultimately, you’re looking to aim for a go-giver marriage. To elaborate, a go-giver marriage is a relationship where both partners prioritize giving and serving each other rather than just focusing on their needs and desires. This concept is based on the book “The Go-Giver: A Little Story About a Powerful Business Idea” by Bob Burg and John David Mann, which emphasizes the importance of giving to others to achieve success.

In a go-giver marriage, both partners aim to serve and support each other in various ways, such as being thoughtful, kind, and considerate. They also prioritize communication and actively listen to each other’s needs and concerns. This approach can help build a strong foundation of trust and mutual respect, which can enhance the quality of the relationship and promote long-term happiness and fulfillment for both partners.

Click here to read 10 actionable steps to save your marriage!

Focus on Your Communication Skills

Secrets to a happy marriage

Communication is vital in relationships and interactions with people altogether. Congratulations to all the couples who have spent the frequent lockdowns together and made it through! You have undoubtedly figured out how to communicate effectively with each other.

But how important is communication? And how can you ensure that you get better at it? First, it’s crucial to determine what experts think about communication in relationships. There was one quote that stood out in particular. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist, states, “Emotional responsiveness is the key to a lasting, happy relationship.”.

Read more about the importance of communication in relationships!

Emotional Responsiveness

Emotional responsiveness is the ability of an individual to respond to communication with appropriate feelings. Important to realize is that communication is not only about getting your message across to someone else, but it’s mainly about ensuring that you understand each other and acknowledge your feelings.

Marriage counselor Gary Chapman said: “Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, and others over self,” highlighting the importance of processing information and making the other person feel heard.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability to positively understand, use, and manage your emotions to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict.

As one of the most debated ‘nature vs. nurture’ topics, some people have a better ability to communicate or, to say, understand others. However, according to research, only 36% of all people have a high EQ.

Moreover, we noticed that many men search for ‘crazy wife‘ on Google, which shows a lack of Google skills, or a lack of empathy. However, if you have a wife with serious problems, we’d suggest to read the article.

The great part is that you can learn to understand people and communicate effectively. Here are a few tips to help you increase your EQ and improve your relationships:

Observe your feelings

You can better understand your emotions by keeping track of how certain situations make you feel. In time, it will become easier to communicate your feelings to others. First, however, you should ensure that you take ownership of your emotions.

Susan David, a psychologist and author of “Emotional Agility,” suggests, “Rather than trying to avoid or suppress difficult emotions, it’s important to recognize and accept them, and then take steps to manage them effectively.” This highlights the importance of emotional regulation, which involves managing your emotions healthily and productively.

The go-giver marriage

The book The Go-Giver, written by Bob Burg, outlines a pattern for improving oneself and enjoying success in work and business by stressing honesty and offering the most value possible.

The Go-giver, originally not a book about marriage, gives valuable advice to strengthen any relationship. The challenges of marriage often come down to communication. When communicating with your partner, you should always ensure that you add value by active listening, empathy, and response. Your marriage longevity relates closely to this book, as you will want to remain honest with your partner and support her throughout your life.

Marriage is a way of complimenting each other and dealing with life together.

Spend Quality Time Together

No matter how busy life gets, you must set aside time to spend quality time with your partner. By this, we don’t mean watching Netflix on the couch but connecting with your partner. As the years go on, you might feel like you know your partner well enough, but this same thinking often leaves us in the ‘roommate phase’ of marriage. Toss away your preconceived notions about each other and try to get out of your daily grind to go grocery shopping together or do some exciting activities to strengthen your relationship. The battle of marriage is finding powerful ways to make everyday routines fun with each other.

One of the powerful secrets to a happy marriage is to keep a certain level of interest in their personal life, apart from your relationship. Long-term couples especially need to remember to inquire about their soul mates’ personal lives regularly.

Don’t you feel like having fun together during boring activities is a ‘couple goal?’

According to research, it’s a couple goal. Psychologist and author Dr. Sue Johnson emphasized the importance of shared experiences in relationships. In her book “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love,” she writes, “When partners share positive experiences, it builds their bond and deepens their love for each other.” This includes exciting or adventurous activities and mundane or everyday activities that can be enjoyable when shared with a loved one.

Show Respect in Your Relationship

One of the most critical factors to a loving marriage, and one of our biggest marriage tips, is to remain respectful towards your partner. For example, when fighting, we often lose our ‘cool’ and say things we might regret later on. To make your marriage more substantial, try to fight not your partner, but instead try to see how the situation might make them feel and how your excuses or reasoning might not impact her opinion at all.

The happiest couples respect each other greatly. Mark A. Whisman and Kristina Coop Gordon conducted a study titled “The Role of Mutual Attraction, Affection, and Fulfillment of Partner Expectations in Judgments of Relationship Satisfaction.” This study shows that couples’ mutual respect was a critical factor in determining relationship satisfaction. Couples who reported higher levels of mutual respect also reported higher levels of intimacy, commitment, and overall happiness.

So indeed, mutual respect links to marital satisfaction, and if you lack respect for each other, it will be challenging to keep your marriage strong. To emphasize, when a couple starts to lack respect for each other, they can find themselves in a toxic relationship.

Dealing with disrespect in your relationship? Read our tips here!

Shared Values and Goals to Increase Marriage Longevity

It’s a slightly controversial point, but many successful marriages consist of having shared goals and values. So, naturally, you’re likely to pick a partner on the same wavelength. Most married couples, therefore, have the same outlook on children and finances, or they might even have the same hobbies.

Before getting married, couples should discuss their expectations and make sure they are on the same page. This will help them make decisions together in the future and support each other when they encounter differences in opinion.

Discussing your expectations about the ‘bigger perspective’ and everyday life will set you up for a long-lasting marriage. Moreover, it links back beautifully to the paragraph mentioned above on communication.

Shared values and goals are a significant part of deciding whether you’re ready for marriage. Read more on the topic here!

Commitment to Married Life

close up photo of gold wedding rings

If you think a healthy marriage requires little commitment, you must drop your preconceived notions about marriage. Instead, you agree to spend the rest of your life with someone and plan to be in it for the long run.

Related: She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes at the Sink: The Importance of Communication

Unfortunately, commitment isn’t always easy, but it’s crucial in building and maintaining successful romantic relationships, particularly in long-term relationships such as marriages. Here are three tips for building and sustaining commitment in married life:

  1. Make a conscious decision to commit: Commitment is a choice, and it’s essential to make a conscious decision to save your partner and your relationship. This involves being intentional about your actions and your mindset and making a commitment to work through any challenges that arise.
  2. Prioritize your relationship: Make your marriage a top priority in your life, and take the time to nurture your relationship regularly. This can involve spending quality time together, expressing love and appreciation for each other, and trying to meet each other’s needs and desires.
  3. Be willing to compromise: Successful marriages require compromise and a willingness to work together to find solutions to challenges and disagreements. This involves being open to your partner’s perspective and finding a middle ground that meets your needs.

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Johan Froentjes

Johan Froentjes